Give me lots of money
  A house up on a hill
  Send me pretty women
  Or threaten me and still
  
  I'll come out to your house
  And attempt to fix your sink
  Do a mediocre job
  As I'm leaving you will think
  
  If you're needing something
  You know that I'll be gone
  I will not answer when you call
  If you're waiting for me
  Then you'll be waiting long
  I can't be counted on at all
  
  My eye is on the pork
  The pork is in the pan
  If something needs a 'doing
  Well, you know I'm not your man
  
  If you're counting on me
  You know I'll let you down
  You can't be counting on me
  Cause you know I'm just a clown